WHEN LAUGHTER IS CRUEL

Sometimes, you may be confused. Disillusioned. Bitterly disappointed. I was, intermittently. After all I was human. All the Bible simply says is that I shall not be tempted beyond my endurance…but nobody was there to gauge how I was measuring up in dealing with my temptation?
When, sometimes, the way appeared blurred; when I saw people I had trained, or who once were employed in my own company driving the best cars, buying lands and building nice houses; strutting across TV stages, co-mingling with the high and mighty: the sheer force of my predicament would cloud my vision, and I would somewhat swat tears from my face…but I never gave up on God, and my abilities.
Somehow, I did not scavenge for foods at dustbins; I did not shy away from driving my weather-beaten bus (the only vehicle available at one point) in the same traffic where my rich friends could see me, and possibly laugh. I remember going to receive a major award (which I helped to found, years earlier, in my bus, with all my family inside). Because they would not be seen in apparels less befitting, I was persuaded to go alone (usually, I enjoy attending events with my wife, and if possible, with the children in tow.) But I went in alone; collected the award (special recognition for contributions to Nigerian entertainment).
I stood there, as my citation was being read, looking at the happy faces of revelers, and hustling army of award organizers, and almost chuckled aloud at the emptiness of the whole charade. There I was standing to be recognized, and celebrated. Briefly being thrust into the limelight again, and no one in the hall asked where I had been in the past three years; what was I doing to survive; what about my wife and children; what happened to all the glimmer and glamour?
Everybody was too occupied living the life of fame and prosperity; everyone was too busy enjoying the day to spoil it all by hazarding to know what was going on in my life. But for that five minutes, I was given the necessary applause and thumps-up.
I reasoned later that it was not that they did not care; it is simply that they did not expect me to see them more than what they really were: show-biz friends and paddies. If I wanted more than that, I should definitely deserve what I was going through. I learnt, on that stage, that even those who were bestowing the honour on me cannot be blamed if I went home hungry; I had chosen the path I preferred, and they would not be bothered as I faced the consequence of a non-conformist lifestyle. How can you blame such reasoning? After all, your life is your canoe; you may choose to paddle backward or forward. I had chosen. And I had to stick to it. So, I left the hall, knowing that I would sleep without food that night. Katchya.